Image Test 2 - People Who Should Never Have Babies

It's one thing to be famous for being famous. It's totally another to try and trick people into thinking they can do it too.

Guns Don't Hurt People

I'm not one for violence, nor theatrics, but something happened to me and my girlfriend recently that made me seriously consider owning a gun.

Last weekend, my girlfriend, her friend, and I are sitting down at the local Dunkin Donuts enjoying a nice cup of joe and a few bakery delights, when (what I assume was) a homeless man proudly enters the establishment. Announcing so all could hear, "There's a new sheriff in town! Bitches!", which, remarkably, no one paid attention to. This makes the homeless man angry. And did I mention he was 6'4", and big? Like, he could have done well at sports if he didn't get addicted to crack, kinda big.

And as it happens, my girlfriend and her friend are both young attractive females. And conveniently, right in the crack head juggernaut's line of sight. So he strolls over and addresses the friend by slamming the open chair into our table, and stating "Listen when I'm talking to you bitch". And without waiting for a response, storms into the bathroom. Weird.

At this point, the entire store is quietly aware that a giant homeless man was showering in the Dunkin Donuts men's room. And everyone at the table was rightfully shaken up over what had just occurred. But our conversation continues on. That is until the homeless man comes back out.

First, let me describe to you how the restaurant is laid out. The three of us were sitting at a round table with four chairs. Me, facing the bathroom, my girlfriend to my left, and the friend directly across from me.

The homeless man quietly exits the bathroom, and leans on the door frame. Then he proceeds to stare at me for the next minute or so. Alright, maybe he's like a wild animal. Don't make eye contact. So, I try hard to seem like I'm paying attention to the friend, and avoid the crackhead's glazed stink-eye. Bad idea.

This is where it gets weird. He then walks over to the table and grabs our dirty napkins. Yup, he grabs our trash. And says, "Pick up your ****ing trash bitch!", and proceeds to throw away our used napkins, while yelling "Buy me a ****ing doughnut!". At this point, my girlfriend (who tends to get carried away sometimes) says "Get a job, and buy your own doughnut!". My heart sinks, and I start to scan the room for weapons. Aside from an apple fritter, luke warm coffee, and a chair, I draw a blank. The gf had mace, but that was in her purse out of reach (and I didn't think of it). The bum then threatens to cut my girlfriend's throat. Insert expletive here. At which point, my 5'8" caucasian self warns, "You better back the **** off!", which garners only a snicker from the crack head behemoth. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared at this point.

Luckily, like a raccoon to aluminum foil, a shiny new quarter in the tip jar catches his eye. Did his crack-riddled brain think the employees would take payment for food out of their own tip jar? As everyone stares in terror/disbelief, my girlfriend yells at the statuesque (pussy) manager to call the cops. Which culminates in the manager asking the crack giant to leave.

The weirdest part of this entire exchange were his parting words. As he walks past our table out the door, he says to my girlfriend "Eat beef! You want beef, you got ground beef! Just wait, eat a hamburger and die!". What the hell does that mean. Is that prison slang?

Who really cares. I hope he gets hit by a car while he's rampaging around the streets in a crack fueled tirade.

So why did I bother to tell you this?

Well, what if I ran into this upstanding citizen heading to my car? Even worse, what if my girlfriend is with me? What if he breaks into my house looking for things to trade for more crack?

Needless to say, this whole ordeal got me thinking. What if I got a gun? Don't get me wrong, I don't ever, ever want to kill anyone. But if that colossal crackface came at me or anyone I love, I sure as hell would like to take him down, and make sure he stays that way. So, to satisfy my curiosity, I went to the gun range downtown with a buddy, and we shot off a few rounds.

We went to Bob's Gun Shop off Granby Ave, in downtown Norfolk. If you're a newcomer, it's $20 for a gun rental, two targets, and 50 rounds. Not a bad deal if you ask me.

And to be honest, a gun wouldn't do much good in most all the situations listed above, because it'd spend most all its time locked up at my house. But, I definitely would gain some piece of mind, which in my eyes, is hard to put a price on.

Plus, guns are fun toys!

WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT!

Bobs Gun Shop from Thomas Raines on Vimeo.

What this blog is all about.

My first post doesn't necessarily reflect the focus of this blog, but it does reflect the randomness of what I will be reporting. I plan on chronicling all that happens in my life, from people I meet, to activities I participate in.

So why should you follow me?

Well, I happen to meet a fair amount of interesting people where I work (Apple Store). Sounds dumb, but where I work is located next to a popular concert venue, and as a result, a fair amount of famous people come through before/after performing.

Example:
-Natasha Bedingfield (whos a bitch by the way)
-The dude who invented the piss test - not famous but made $36 Million off that thing
-Travis from Gym Class Heroes
-Robin Williams - nice guy
-And that bitch writing that fat person book I blogged about

To name a few.

Also, I do cool s***. I don't just sit around getting high or drunk all day (only when appropriate). I'm a car fanatic, a film enthusiast, and too friendly for my own good.

Some things I have planned that you readers can look forward to:

-I'm filming a poker run (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poker_run) for a local car club
-I'm attending the F1 Canadian Grand Prix this summer - Huge int'l gathering of drunk car fans
-I'm (very slowly) building a car, combining two into one - 1984 BMW 318i M50/5-Lug swap
-I'm a giant nerd. I work at a computer store for pete's sake.
-Most everyone finds my life at least mildly intertesting.

And if this doesn't entice you, my next post is on guns. And I have a video as well. Plus, my last blog was on fat people. CHECK IT OUT!!!!


-Thomas

Clarification

I want to clarify something about my first blog post. I do not agree with anything that lady had to say. I posted the story, not at the expense of people that are overweight, but at the expense of that horrible woman. And in hopes that some of you might keep an eye out in the coming months and fire back at her hate book in any way you see fit (insert form of cyber vigilantism). So please, do not take offense. And if you really feel angry, hit me up. I may or may not know this woman's name ;)

Image Test 1 - My First Blog - Fat People Shouldn't ****?

A few days ago, I met a lady who was in the process of writing a book. She didn't immediately say what the book was about, but she said it's going to be a book and blog combo. I thought this was a cool way of promoting a book, and I then proceeded to bug her about the subject of her up and coming work. She was very hesitant, and said "It's very offensive", she then looked for people possibly within earshot and continued with, "It's going to be called Fat People Shouldn't F***." I could see why she was so hesitant. She paused for a sec to check my reaction, and after realizing I wasn't going to punch her in the face, she went on to explain herself, "I'm just tired of picking up the slack for fat fu***! I may sound like a horrible person, but obese adults are costing us millions, and ruining it for their kids as well! For instance, just the other day a 300+ pound lady sat next to me at the movie theater, and proceeded to drench my thigh in sweat because she couldn't contain herself to one seat...I've had it!" Discussion like this went on for about fifteen minutes, with me quietly listening, and her digging her own personal tunnel to hell.

I came to find out that she was a successful writer of business manuals (whatever those are), and from what I can tell, that about sums up her literary chops. So it's hard to say how this will end up, but I think she's either going to fail miserably, or gain mediocre success and be assassinated by a fat man.

Regardless, I'm going to keep an eye out and watch the carnage unfold.